thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
