I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize