Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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