Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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