my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
