That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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