you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
