ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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