I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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