i need an iv and a liver transplant
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
