I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
