She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
