Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
