There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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