I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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