I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
