Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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