Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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