the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
