I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
