I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
