shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
