Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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