Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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