dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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