Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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