it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
