yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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