OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
