She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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