Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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