No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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