She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize