Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
