I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
