That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
