I need help removing her.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize