Barsexuality is the new black.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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