you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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