Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
