I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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