Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
