Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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