Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
