I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
