Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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