we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
