i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
