You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
