I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
