I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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