he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nicole vs. Life
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
