but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drunk is not a location!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
