He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize