Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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