hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
