that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
