Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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