Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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